Generis Asian Men

18 June 2011, Saturday
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Dear Diary is a serious journal entry of a gay man, living in a homophobic and cosmopolitan city of Asia. The writer strives to stay truthful to himself despite blunt facism, in-your-face materialism, fragile egos, neo-cultural imperialism and insurgence of Islamic Fundamentalism. While growing in a working-class background, he has been mould by TV to advance himself to match the beauty of Rob Lowe, humour of Tina Fey and the intellect of Charles Darwin despite on the staple diet of SPAM luncheon meat, instant noodles and French fries.

Reviews

“Just as PinkDot sought to be the voice of the LGBT community in nanny state of Singapore, Swan is certainly the voice of the seedy side of this community”
— The Bangkok Post

“With his quick wit and sharp observation, he is the silent but deadly gossip whisperer “ – Vanity Fair magazine

“A man-mistress who only plays by his own game”
— Elizabeth Abbot, author of the NY Bestseller, Mistress : A History of the Other Woman

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3pm : I was rushing to run errands in Orchard. First a nice hair cut and getting my new supply of skincare products. Yes, to stand in a sea of gay men and women requires one to look best and to “stand out” whatever it means to you, the reader. After all, you never know when sex is gonna happen.

5pm : I was sitting down at Han’s café having a iced coffee, relaxed and enjoying a Malboro Menthol drag. Groups of LGBT “sisters” chattering around me clad in various tones of pink. Grunge, fresh, loud, creepy like Lady Gaga’s little monster, they all came out in tour de force. Then I decided to walked over to Hong Lim Park, where Pink Dot event is happening now. Ironically, Hong Lim park was the first gay cruising ground in the 70s –early 90s.

Wearing my dark sunglasses, I roamed aimlessly in the park soaking up the festive atmosphere in the late humid afternoon of Singapore. Fake air kisses, pleasant greetings, hyena laughter, steroid muscles, perfumes that smelled like clean cocks and obedient gay dogs form the scene of this gay pride event. OK, I shall skip on the dressing and make up. Then, one moment, the bomb dropped! That was when the sour taste of my sex scandals started to unveil…..

Let’s be honest, I have never enjoyed in public meeting especially for gay men. In any public gathering, there is always 2 group of gay people. The happily (and unhappily) partnered gay men, and the singles (by wanton choice because they like sex too much or due to lack of opportunity or lack of hygiene). Gay members of the former group think they are envied by the latter group, who basically hate them or envy them. Donna Summers once sang “Bad girls, talking about sad girls…and sad girls, talking about bad girls” And then there are some members who seem to stand in the middle line, connecting the partnered members to the single members. I am one such guy, and I often get the sting from their betrayed partner. Yes, I am what in the straight world called “The Other Woman” or “Home Wrecker”. Of course the most famous one if I remember correctly is named Angelina Jolie.

Damage #1 : An expat from US whom I met regularly (unplanned) in One Seven sauna. I shall not reveal his name, but he works for JP Morgan Chase. As I remember, we have good sex chemistry and lots of fun in sauna. He was coy about his relationship status, and I simply assumed he was partnered, and strayed when he could. For the first time, I saw him at the park with his partner, an Asian guy with slight salt and pepper buzz hair cut. They look compatible and agreeable. He caught me glancing at his direction and to my astonishment, he hurriedly led his partner to walk away as if I a virus carrier of SARS. If this sting is not sour enough, I couldn’t expect more later on. Flash back to 25 years ago, at the young nubile age of fifteen, my good wiser gay neigbour (who was with me on the first PinkDot) introduced me to the author Jackie Collins, a NY Times best seller. One of her book “The World Is Full of Married Men” caught my attention, and at the back page, she wrote something “using sex as the ultimate weapon”. I smiled to myself on that note, how ironic my life has been shaped by that infamous line.

In her book Mistress : A History of the Other Women, Elizabeth wrote that in the course of human civilisation (East and West), mistresses were a constant feature despite condemnation of religion, always to serve a purpose but not to be discussed or acknowledged.

Damage #2. I was walking towards the performance stage (sponsored by Google) where a group of young gals performing a hip hop dance. Then I realized that 2 members of the dancers were actually boys, swinging their lean bodies and gyrating their pelvis in utter ecstasy ! Then a stocky figure in dark brown hair caught my attention. Ooops, that was P whom I haven’t seen in a year. He first came to Singapore in late 2008 as a teacher for a international school. I recalled our first sex romp at his sparsely apartment in the Pasir Ris, remote East of Singapore island. It was in the evening of a weekday and very unfortunately his air-conditioner broke down. Both of us were sweating a lot and we wet his bed sheet. As I left the apartment, I told myself I shan’t call him again. But things changed just like our freaky weather. 6 months later, we met in sauna and obviously we still had “hots” for each other. This time round, I fucked him. YES, when I say fuck, I don’t mean a shag. I mean I poke him anally. I asked to fuck him doggy style, and he said YES readily. However, after several thrust, the awful stench of his dirty ass lingered in the air!! I stopped and told him I couldn’t continue as the smell killed my erection. P now stood 2m away from me, with his nerdy boy friend chatting loudly. His bf caught us glancing at each other, and he gave me a look that said “I know you slept with my partner”. I rolled my eyes away , expressing “Your bf was a lousy fuck with poor hygiene ”. It was quite a awkward encounter with P here, and I decided to respectfully walk away.

Then I bumped into a Aussie pal, James. Clad in a pink linen shirt and green tartan Scottish wool kilt, he looked so chirpy and excited. It was a wonderful distraction from my previous 2 encounter. The last time we hang out was a month ago. Strangely enough, I met James online (Gaydar) several years ago and the good thing was we never had sex. Ever since when he moved to the East Coast beach, he conveniently became my cycling buddy. We would always trade sex stories during our biking, and showered together back at his apartment without wanting sex. Strange but it feels right. In our last biking meet, he told me he was dating seriously with a Singaporean Chinese who just returned from Oz. However, his new flame has a possessive streak and he had an argument with him because he wanted to go cycling with me less that possessive freak !! To spice things up, he even related that we showered together after the sweaty exercise. Again, I can imagine by reputation going down the drain one notch lower.

“James, is that wool kilt you are wearing ? “ I asked.
“Yupe”
“In this hot humid weather, it’s gonna exterminate your sperm and make you impotent !”, I broke out laughing.
“I broke up with my bf of 2 months” he said in a casual tone.
“I am not surprised. You cannot blossom in such toxically possessive relationship” I tried to be nice.
Anyway, we agreed to meet on next Sat for another cycling meet.

Now that celebration of PinkDot was in full swing, with Dim Sum Dolly performing a rendition of Born This Way by Lady Gaga. I was queuing in line at the Mocktails booth to quench my growing thirst and a respite from the heat of this bloody humidity. I wished the organizer would have chosen a date on cooler and breezier month but for the sake of gay movement, I must bear on.

Damage #3 A couple was standing in front of the queue. The blond taller chap turned around and it was another OMG moment. R, a quintessential English guy who teaches English at British Council Singapore. Again, it all started in sauna one Sunday afternoon. We had a romp, and enjoyed each other company to exchange phone contacts. Within a week, we met up again at night after his last lesson for dinner and drink. During the course of our chat, I soon discovered the ugly side of his Englishness ; his sense of self-entitlement and his colonial way of thinking. Rubbish I could take no more, I decided not to follow up. Glad that he didn’t call me (I think he assumed he would be called instead). Forward to 6 months later on another fine Sunday afternoon in the dimly-lit corridor of the sauna, he walked pass and saw me. I just smiled coyly but he stepped forward and trying to dragged me in to a room. I resisted saying I wasn’t keen. What a ugly scene.

For all the stuff that had been written about social etiquette, none has ever poached the subject of a single guy meeting a couple whom one of them he has fucked with. Should he remain out of sight, or should he say “Hello” or should be just be frank with them. I hope to read more gay literature on this matter.

By now, brothers and sisters were packing up their picnic mats to move towards the centre of the field park to form the pink dot. There was a short speech by Otto, a Singaporean guy who came out publicly from his teaching profession many years ago. He briefly explained the movement of PinkDot and the history of this park. The official announcement proudly mentioned that more than ten thousands gay men, women, families and friends have come to mark this 3^rd year of PinkDot. Everyone was elated.

I left shortly after the ariel photo of PinkDot was taken. I was heading to my temple, California Gym @ Orchard. Strangely, the gym was empty on a Saturday evening. I was conscious of the pink T-shirt I was wearing, wondering whether the staff would notice and gossip. Lady Gaga was on the PA sound system, singing :

“Don’t be a drag, be a Queen… don’t be a drag, be a queen”

OK, I felt assured. Then I saw Greg, another New Zealander expat whom I “showered” together in the gym bathroom 2 years ago. He is a father of a 20 year-old son. As Jackie Collin once wrote, ”the world is full married men.” Straight or gay.

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